Suicide Blonde
by Mishiko Shinsei
Summary: One shot. Tsuzuki in freefall. Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.


Suicide Blonde 

"What the…"

Of all the things he expected to see when he entered Tsuzuki's apartment on Chijou, the scene before him definitely fell last.

Actually, it didn't show up on the list at all.

Seated around the table in the living room, which was piled high with cash, sat five really scary looking guys and Tsuzuki. In his partner's hand, aimed at his own skull, was a small revolver. Upon Hisoka's entrance, he slowly lowers the weapon to the table.

After the shock wears off, Hisoka realizes what Tsuzuki is doing. Narrowing his eyes angrily, he orders everyone out. At their hesitation, he pulls his .45 from the holster beneath his jean jacket and cocks it menacingly. A mad scramble ensues and the attendees of the "party" rush by him, leaving the pile of money. After watching them leave with a smirk of satisfaction, Hisoka turns to Tsuzuki so angry he can barely see.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" He screams, slamming the door behind him.

Tsuzuki flinches predictably, but Hisoka isn't deterred.

"These last few months it's like you've lost your mind!" He continues in his raging. "First, you show up to work on a motorcycle that you can barely ride and almost kill yourself and Watari, and then you disappear for days and when I finally find you, it's just in time to catch you plunging off of a bridge bungee jumping! Then, out of nowhere, you're going skydiving, then hang gliding! And you hair……! And now you're playing fucking Russian Roulette! What the hell are you doing!

Tsuzuki lowers his eyes, but remains silent.

Hisoka goes volcanic.

"I swear, Tsuzuki," he erupts, "either you tell me what's going on right now or…or…" He pauses mid-rant. What could he threaten his obviously psychotic partner with that might have any meaning?

"…Or no sweets for a year!" He finishes in a blind fury, knowing in his heart that he'd never be able to actually keep that promise. But he just needed to get Tsuzuki talking somehow. His reckless behavior has started to concern everyone at the bureau. His presence at Tsuzuki's apartment right now is because Tatsumi pulled him to the side after Tsuzuki called in 'sick' again this morning; the forth time in two weeks.

Sure Hisoka had been worried about Tsuzuki, especially when he showed up yesterday with that hair! But he figured Tsuzuki would eventually come to him and explain his actions like he always did.

That's why, getting to Tsuzuki's apartment and finding his partner simply playing hooky and not really sick, he'd expected; thugs and a gun he had not.

Tsuzuki catches the fury in Hisoka's eyes for a moment, and then sadly turns away.

Hisoka is on the verge of apoplectic when Tsuzuki finally speaks.

"I heard you," he offers quietly.

'What the… He heard me! What the hell kinda response is that!' Hisoka fumes.

"I'm sure half of Chijou heard me," he snaps loudly, ready to throttle Tsuzuki for his evasiveness.

"No," Tsuzuki continues in that quiet tone, seemingly unfazed by Hisoka's rage. "I mean I heard you that day; when you were talking to Tatsumi."

Hisoka wrinkles his brow, his anger starting to abate as he tries to figure out which day Tsuzuki could be talking about and why any conversation he had with Tatsumi would have mattered to Tsuzuki so much.

"What?" he finally blurts eloquently.

Tsuzuki begins slowly gathering the money before responding in a forlorn tone.

"You were telling Tatsumi that, since Kyoto, I always seemed afraid of everything. You said that you were worried that I wouldn't take risks anymore. You said…" he falters, tears beginning to slip from his eyes, "you said that you weren't sure you trusted me to protect you anymore and that maybe he should…." his breath hitches as a sob clogs his throat, "he should find you another partner."

Hisoka's anger races out of him, replaced by Tsuzuki's sorrow and sense of betrayal.

"Tsuzuki…." he reaches, stepping toward him.

"So…." Tsuzuki resumes, brokenly, "So I thought if I could prove to you that I wasn't afraid, you wouldn't leave me."

Dropping the money, he buries his face in his hands, sobs wracking his body.

It's a few moments before Hisoka can move. To know that his actions were the cause of his partner's latest breakdown…

How could he have known… He'd seen Tsuzuki leave hours before; knew that Tatsumi would still be in his office… He was just trying to do the right thing. It wasn't meant to hurt him like this.

Hisoka kneels beside him, pulling the distressed man into his arms.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, stroking the short blonde locks Tsuzuki had surprised everyone with yesterday.

"I was just scared for you," he begins in explanation. "I just didn't want to see you hurt. I felt you inwardly flinching all the time and many times a look of terror rested in your eyes. I just told Tatsumi that stuff about protection and a new partner because I thought he would understand how serious things were and force you to take some more time off. I never really wanted a new partner, Tsuzuki."

He pauses, letting his last statement sink in; feeling the vulnerable form in his arms relax.

"That day wasn't the first time I'd spoken to him about you. I'd told him what I felt from you and saw in your eyes and that I was worried, but he strongly believed that work would help you to heal better than sitting at a desk all day and thinking about it. I understood his point, but didn't agree. Watari and the chief backed him up because I couldn't explain how much trouble you were having. I knew you weren't ready to come back, but I couldn't convince anyone."

He tilts Tsuzuki's face up to his.

"Not even you," he frowns. "I'm sorry, Tsuzuki."

Sliding his arms around Hisoka's waist and laying his head against his partner's chest, Tsuzuki cries softly with relief.


End file.
